Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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