Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
