saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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