We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
All the doctor said was why
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
