The maid of honor just puked.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
