He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
