Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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