Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
