I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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