walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
