It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
