A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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