mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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