Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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