yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
