i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
