I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
