so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
