Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When are your genitals available?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
