Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
