Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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