Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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