i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
