Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
