i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
