this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
