A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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