It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
