Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize