You can't special order awesome
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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