So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
