I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
