All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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