The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize