Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
