so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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