You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
