hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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