well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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