youre lurking in front of me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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