I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
