Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
