oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
