Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
