ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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