u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
