A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
