I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
