I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
