there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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