his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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