Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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