For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
