cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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