So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
