HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize