as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
