she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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