Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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