I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
