Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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