so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
