then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize