You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
