Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
