I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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