now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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