To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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