someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
