she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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