My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
