I just pynch a tree in the face
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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