a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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