Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
