Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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