last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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