he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
