Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
