As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
