My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
