Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
