How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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