I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
