I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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