You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
