My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
