we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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