i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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