one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
