I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
