gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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