my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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