Screwed.edu
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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