Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
