The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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