I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
