Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
