We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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