yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
