one two three fourrrrnication!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
