Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
