when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
